Tout nous ramène à quelques idées de la mort, parce que cette idée est au fond de la vie...
Chateaubriand
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Mon papi tu est parti le dimanche 25 juillet 1999 une semaine apres que j'ai fêté mes 9 ans...
Depuis je suis perdu ne sachant que faire, tu étais le sourire même déssiné sur mes levres, tu avais toujours les mots, ce regard espagnol que j'aimais tant chez toi et le son de ta voix quand tu m'appellais "ma petita".
J'ai tant de souvenir d'hopitaux peut être bien plus que tout les autres bons moments, j'en ai souffert de ton hospitalisation, de tout ce qu'ils ont pu te faire sans jamais te laisser tranquille.Puis tu as eu ton dernier souffle, on a pas voulu que j'aille a ton enterrement et je m'en veux de ça car tu es trop cher a mes yeux.
Je te portais un réel amour qui ne cesse de grandir de jour en jour, tu me donne la force d'avancer et de me relever lorsque je me nois.
J'aurais tout fait pour prendre quelque minutes de vie, juste quelques années de plus pour pouvoir te connaitre un peu plus. J'aimerai que tu sois fiere de moi, mais je crois que je ne suis pas tellement une personne de qui on peut être fiere.
Chaque jour papi j'aimerai venir te retrouver, dans mes rêves je te tends ma main mais je ne t'atteint pas.
Loin de toi mes yeux ne voient plus rien tant de larmes les aveugles. Mon coeur lui est un puzzle dont il manque des pieces.
Personne n'ai jamais arrivé a combler le manque que tu me donne mais je me dis que chaque jour je fais un pas de plus vers le chemin qui mene a te retrouver.
Toi mon papi d'amour j'ai la sensation que tu ressens tous mes doutes, toutes mes peurs, tout ce dont j'ai mal, j'ai envie.
Tu as ta place ici dans ce blog car tu fais partie de ma vie meme si tu es parti bien trop tot je ne cesserai de t'aimer. Je hais la vie pour le mal qu'elle m'a fait de te prendre.
Si la sensation que j'ai est réelle tu dois etre dans les memes etats que moi en voyant ce qui se passe ici, je garde tout pour moi, moi qui sait ce que je ne dois savoir et moi qui vois bien plus.
Un jour je reglerais tout ça...car je ne supporte plus.
Merci pour tout ce que tu as fais pour moi durant ces années, ta petita t'aimeras toujours et elle pense a toi chaque minutes que le temps nous apporte.
Aujourd'hui je prends un peu de temps pour te consacrer cet article qui signifi l'amour que je te porte malgres le manque et la dimention qui nous separe.
Loin des yeux ne veux pas dire loin du coeur mais malgres la distance mon coeur n'est pas en totale suffisante crois tu qu'un jour tu pourras revenir a ta guise me dicter le chemin de mon futur incertain.
Releve moi du sol car aujourd'hui le bout je frole.
Chaque journée passé ne cesse de d'etre normale mais toujours cette routine du soir ce coup de bluz qui m'envahi mais je resiste quand meme.je pense tellement à toi
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Ta petita qui t'aime et à qui tu manque
